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Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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