I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
