What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
