The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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