Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
