kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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