you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
