That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
