i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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