Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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