i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
