hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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