Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
