her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
