umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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