I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
