I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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