And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
