So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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