Duck Duck Cougar?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
