Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize