This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
