I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
