I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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