Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
