I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Bring me that man meat
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
