Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
