Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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