Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
