You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
