last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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