i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
they're like a gay fantastic four
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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