Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
