So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
