True but thats because hes a fetus.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
you made out with another girl for some wings
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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