somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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