i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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