Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
