I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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