Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
