dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
