Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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