We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
