I'm going to rape someone's good day.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
