I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
