I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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