my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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