There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
