i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
