New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
