I just made out with a guy for $7.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
