you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
