When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
