I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
