He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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