the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
