would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
one might say we're banned from that church
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
