I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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