New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
