God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
