If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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