I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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