i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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