1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
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