i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
i now understand why vodka
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
