OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
