no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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