I just pynch a tree in the face
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
pray to the hookup gods
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
