He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
