Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
