Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
