Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
birth control should be required to get into college
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
