He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
