Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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