mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
