I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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