Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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